There is something about the metamorphosis of the butterfly that I have always loved. It’s not because butterflies are beautiful, although they are. And it’s not because they have a short lifespan, so every moment you are around them matters.
It’s the transformation butterflies experience to get to a state of beauty and grace. How they must struggle before they can fully become who they were destined to be…as I did.
From caterpillar to cocoon, butterflies experience isolation and darkness. When they hatch from their cocoon state, they must claw and force their way out to fully bloom. They must fight their way out.
If a butterfly is assisted through this phase, its wings will not strengthen, and it has a higher chance of death. They have to go through tough, dark moments to fly truly.
I feel like I’m constantly going through waves of metamorphosis. I’ve always been changing and evolving into different phases of myself, trying to find a version where I feel like myself. And for years, I felt like I never found that version, as there was always a catch behind every one of them.
Now in my 30s, having gone through so many external shifts and internal healing, I’m in a place of pure acceptance of who I am and who I’ve always been, which is a spiritual witchy woman.
I’ve been a spiritual witchy girl my entire life.
I always gravitated towards esoteric practices and grew up watching movies like Willow, Merlin, The Craft, Practical Magic, and FernGully. I grew up taking naps to the sound of trees blowing through the breeze and felt like I was born with an innate psychic gift. But growing up in a Catholic Christian household, speaking or even taking an interest in things like magic was forbidden.
Yet now, looking back on my childhood, there were the occasional loopholes.
I remember sitting with my mother and grandmother watching Sabado Gigante on Telemundo, waiting for the great Walter Mercado to read our horoscopes. I remember my father placing images of saints on our doorway and hanging rosaries on the car rearview mirror for protection; something I do now as an adult.
I grew up watching my mother and aunts use folk magic in their day-to-day, making life that much more sacred and meaningful, but these were never taught as magic, only as culture. Magic was something never to be spoken about.
Once I moved out of my parents’ home in 2013, I dove head-first into discovering my spiritual practice. Through the years, I’ve read countless books, learned how to read tarot, became certified as a Reiki Master, met incredible psychics and mediums who became mentors, and even befriended some amazing witches in Salem, Massachusetts.
All of this was under the rug, hidden from my family in the hopes of not disappointing them and using their beliefs in me. It was enough that I was considered the misunderstood daughter; I didn’t want to add fuel to the flame.
But as the years went by and my spiritual practice grew, an inner voice inside of me began to grow too. A voice that was compelling me to dig deeper into my ancestral roots and background. I might find some answers there to my question of why I loved magic so much. Maybe it was because I would rather live in a world filled with wonder instead of constant pain, or maybe there is something more to it.
So I dug into the past and in my research, I discovered that my family comes from a long line of healers and medicine women dating by to the Inca Empire, the largest empire in pre-Columbian America. It suddenly all made sense, this desire for my spiritual practice.
Folk magic and spiritual practice are not only generational, they’re hereditary.
It’s in my blood.
My spiritual practice has saved me from several breakdowns. It’s become an important tool that I use for my mental health, whether that’s opening up my tarot deck or meditating outside to the sound of the trees. Having a spiritual practice, regardless of what you follow or believe, is a vital part of wellness.
Whether you believe in God, the Universe, Allah, or your ancestors, having something that you can place your faith in gets you through the tough moments. It lets you know that even in isolation, you are never alone, and the best part is you can design your spiritual practice how you see fit, whether it’s meditating in the car, taking a 10-minute walk in nature, or going to a place of worship.
Faith allows you to embrace your purpose and guides you through the darkness, just like the butterfly has faith that it can and will crawl its way out to fly.
Faith allows you to see the importance of setting aside time for you and your heart, making it a priority, instead of the constant focus on external validation. I can’t separate my spiritual practice from mental health and wellness as they are all the same.
So you may see the occasional tarot card here as I fully embrace this part of my life without worrying about what other people will say or think of me. Just like magic has helped me since I was a little girl, I know that it has helped me as a woman, and it will continue to help me as I age into a wiser crown.
And through each metamorphosis, a newer version will arise but this time, she will not be for external gain, she will be for internal freedom.
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Til next time,
Kimberly